Tabula Rasa
by Swift-Star9
Summary: Shiemi is taken to her mother. Spoilers for chapter 99B. Implied RinShi.


_Title_ : Tabula Rasa  
 _Written_ : May 16 2018 (edited October 14 2018)  
 _Characters_ : Shiemi, Shemihaza, Shemihaza's band of smiling weirdos.  
 _Ships_ : Implied RinShi  
 _Summary_ : Shiemi is taken to her mother. Spoilers for chapter 99B.  
 _Notes_ : Forget Rin and Yukio, Shiemi is the one who needs a hug already!

* * *

"Where am I?"

There was no answer, as if the vast stone hall swallowed her voice. She balled her hand into a fist. She didn't know these people leading her in this strange procession. All she knew is she didn't want to be here. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the first familiar marker since she'd been taken: a tapestry emblazoned with the symbol of the True Cross Order.

"Your mother awaits," the strange blonde man had said. His smile was worn, but seemed genuine. His hand was on her back, attempting to console her. She stared at the ground. Was this real? Was she really going to have to do this… now?

"Lady Shiemi," one of the strangers said, interrupting her thoughts. She raised her head. Before her was an enormous door, engraved with intricate designs of vines and varnished in gold and forest green. The strangers looked at her expectantly. She held the ornate gold handle and slowly opened the doorway.

Dazzling sunlight illuminated the world on the other side of the door. She blinked rapidly, eyes adjusting to the new environment. When she could finally see, she gasped.

 _The Garden of Amahara?_

Trees, flowers, and greenery surrounded the gold door in the middle of nowhere. Mosses, ferns, and hornworts sprawled across the paths. Each had a vibrant healthy sheen, alive. Awestruck, she crouched down to touch a blade of a grasslike creeping weed. She'd never seen one before. Her mind overflowed with questions: where are you from? How do you grow?

Her grandmother had spoke of this place with such awe. She now understood why. Amahara's majesty was greater than she had imagined. Blues, yellows, reds, everything was so beautiful. There was so much she could learn here, from every living thing from every continent. She could stay here forever.

Her vision clouded with tears.

This was everything she used to want.

"Lady Shiemi," a woman beside her asked. "I know it is not my place to ask, but why do you cry?"

"Hush," said one of the others before Shiemi could reply. "My lady, please ignore her. We understand that this is an occasion to be celebrated. You must be overwhelmed with joy!"

Shiemi clenched her teeth and stood up from the unknown grass, proceeding down the path. The Grigori's entourage led her through the foliage. The strangers beamed around her as they strolled in the sunny skied wonderland, mindlessly happy or content. How could they not? Here the world was bright and peaceful. There were no howling winter storms or shrieking monsters creeping through a broken gap between dimensions.

 _Rin…_

The tears started falling again. Why didn't she realize before? Why couldn't she tell him?!

She stopped, looking down at an unfamiliar iris, scarlet and white.

Why did she always realize what she wanted too late?

"My lady," one of the attendants said, softly touching her right shoulder to encourage her to move on.

She wanted to scream. It was as if her insides were sharp blades, cutting into the unreality before her.

How could this place be so calm when the world was in chaos? How could these people be smiling when so many were suffering outside? How could they expect her to be happy knowing what was about to happen?

Her chest racked with sobs. She hated being like this. Everyone around her smiled freely, believing she was as happy as they were. But she only cried because she was so angry, and couldn't do a thing about it. She didn't even get the chance to see all her friends before she had to leave them behind.

Her mother's words came back to her. She wiped her face and moved forwards, every step muted by dread.

"It is time," the older blonde man politely said, his eyes knit in a bittersweet expression. He indicated towards a simple chair, grown over in vines and ivy. She was guided gently, the reverent hands of the others ghosting over her. They took places behind her, kneeling towards her mother.

Her mother faced her from a throne of branches and flowers. She was wearing a white uniform that Shiemi had never seen before. Her sad frown clashed with the smiles of those around.

"I had hoped this wouldn't happen to you for a long time," she said. "You're still so young. I'm sorry."

Before Shiemi could reply, her mother pulled down a mask of white lace, covering her eyes and the upper half of her face. Suddenly, her entire demeanor changed.

"My child." Another voice threaded with her mother's, reverberating with an otherworldly echo. "I'm afraid I've had to call on you early. I believe your mother has already informed you how the ceremony will take place."

"Yes," she said, not meeting Shemihaza's gaze. The emperor paused. They stood from the throne and moved towards Shiemi.

"I can see you are distraught," they said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Please understand my intentions. I do not wish to force myself on any human. That is why I have not incarnated for over a thousand years. I would only share your existence for brief periods of time. Because of your power, you would still live a normal human lifespan."

"My power?"

Shemihaza sighed and raised a hand. Small buds appeared from the ground, blossomed, withered, and fell. Astonished, Shiemi's eyes widened.

"This is your power too," the being said, turning back towards Shiemi. "Unlike your mother, you can withstand the full extent."

'Unlike'. The word and implication crawled like ants on her skin.

"That forest I made…"

Shemihaza's hand fell from her shoulder as the emperor turned away from Shiemi to return to their throne.

"An Artificial Gehenna Gate has been opened. Demons are now flooding into Assiah, spreading destruction and chaos. You have seen the ones behind this evil act with your own eyes. The Illuminati."

Shiemi gasped. The Illuminati was responsible? Wait… were they behind the months of increased demon activity too? And Yuki… The pain of his betrayal was like knife edging into her ribs.

"They must be stopped," Shemihaza continued. "They have forced us to take extreme measures. We… I cannot simply advise anymore. Thus, I have asked for you to come here."

"I understand," she said quietly. She wanted to stop the Illuminati too. But she knew the cost. Rin… why couldn't she have thanked him for all that he'd done? She could feel herself crying again. Why couldn't she have the chance to tell him goodbye? It was unbearable!

"Forgive me. I can only hope that in my memories, you can find some measure of peace."

Smiles and happy faces in the most beautiful garden she'd ever seen circled her, and she never felt so alone.

At once the world was a dizzying whirl. Everything seemed so fast, and knowledge and experiences entered her mind. She was drowning in a morass of places and things she'd never seen before.

 _Take my hand._

Something reached out and she latched on, holding on for dear life.

 _Don't let go. If you get swept away by the memories, you could lose your sanity._

She felt a calming, distant force that lacked any malevolence. The tide of memories swept over her as she held on like algae clinging to the seashore. As she steadied in the maelstrom, connected to Shemihaza's spirit, she could see bits and pieces from thousands of years of life. Overcome by curiosity, she touched the memories and suddenly she knew everything. The True Cross Order, their history, and the emperor's love for humanity, they were suddenly clear to her.

She was one of the Nephilim and her purpose was to protect mankind. Her connection to the plants of this world was not mere childish fondness. It was her heritage. She knew all their names now, and the names that she'd made that Rin had laughed at.

"Rin"? Wait… who was "Rin" again?

The confusion tore her gaze away from the torrent of new memories. The confusion gnawed at her. Rin, Rin, Rin, she knew that name, but why? Why did it suddenly hurt? She tried to tune out the noise. The flashes of green and history gave way to images of a black-haired boy and this feeling and-

She turned away from the flood of memories, horror-stricken. Just as her mom had said, her memories were getting destroyed!

 _Stop!_ she cried out.

 _I cannot. The process can't be halted._

 _I don't want this! I don't want to forget!_

But her hand wouldn't let go of Shemihaza's spirit, stuck in place by an invisible force.

She tried to focus, ignore everything going by. She didn't want to lose her memory! _Grandma… Yuki-chan… Rin!_

Like holding onto sand, the memories slipped by her as she frantically tried to hold them all. What happened to Grandma? Did she leave? What was cram school? She'd been fighting to save Izumo in Inari, the Impure King in Kyoto… she could barely remember. She was there because of Suguro… who was Suguro?

She was losing. Her memories were slipping away and she couldn't stop it! She closed her eyes. She fixed one moment in her mind's eye, desperately trying to hold on to it above all others.

The True Cross Academy Festival. Colorful lights and distant music. The distant roar of a roller coaster, clicking up the tracks. She was carrying flowers marked up for last minute attendees. She bumped into Rin. Even though things had been so awkward between them, they just went right back to normal. It was so funny! She'd laughed so hard, and then Rin invited her to dance. He got close to her ear as he whispered a funny joke they could play on Yuki-chan. She'd beamed as they ran to Yuki-chan, and jointly offered a dance. They spun in a circle together, and she couldn't stop laughing at Rin's goofy face.

 _I really like you, Rin._

 _I really like you, Ri-_

 _I really like you-_

 _I-_


End file.
